I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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