I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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