you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
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I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
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Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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