it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm passing your future prison.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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