I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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