dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Bring me that man meat
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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