turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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