if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
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As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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