i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize