now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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