I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The adults are the big ones right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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