my mouth tastes like poor choices
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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