How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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