i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize