Someone shit on the floor
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Text me some of your sweat
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