oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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