Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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