I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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