Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize