took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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