the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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