if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize