If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize