Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize