Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize