You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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