I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Then you guys just all showered together...?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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