you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize