Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize