I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize