hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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