I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize