I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
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my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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