Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize