Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
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I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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