So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
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i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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