he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
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HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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