Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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