Just fell off a train. Bad.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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