I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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