Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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