you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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