Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize