i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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