She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize