he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize