Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
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Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize