I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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