I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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