I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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